Attempts at Writing

I have an idea for a movie about the craziness that is King David. But I have no experience in playwriting nor screenwriting. But I like narratives. So here's a brief scene for funsies. It comes from Luke 18 in the Bible. Let me know what you think! ;)


(Inner Temple somewhere in Jerusalem. The usual crowd of temple-goers gather around the entrance. CLEOPHAS, a Pharisee dressed in red and white robes, marches up the steps and kneels to pray in the temple. He holds his hands outward, palms up. JOKTAN, a tax collector, shuffles in quietly and finds a spot next to CLEOPHAS to pray. He briefly looks at the Pharisee then clasps his hands in his lap with head bowed.)

Cleophas: (Stands). God, I thank you that I am not like other men! Robbers...evildoers...adulterers...(Sneers at JOKTAN) Or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get! (Turns and exits. Offstage, crowd applauds him.)

Joktan: (Stuttering). G-God, have m-mercy on me. (Beat. Others snicker.) God, have mercy on me! God, have mercy on me...a sinner... (Continues to pray quietly. Lights dim.)